


i need you

by hokseok



Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, Soulmate AU
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-29
Updated: 2017-03-29
Packaged: 2018-10-12 15:52:10
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,084
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10494282
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hokseok/pseuds/hokseok
Summary: the only way for your scars to disappear if when your soulmate kisses them away.or: alexander has scars, and aaron burr's heart cries.





	

**Author's Note:**

> WARNING: there is self-harm referenced in this story. if you feel uncomfortable with that topic, please do _not_ read this.
> 
> there, also, is slight nsfw at the end, which is why this is classed as 'mature.'

They always said, ‘The only way for your scars to disappear is when your soulmate kisses them goodbye.’ They always said being with your soulmate would make everything better, like they would shine like a beacon in a battlefield, like they would save you from the fucking mess your life was.

Alexander Hamilton knew that he wouldn’t be lucky enough to find his soulmate, and he knew that even if he did, they wouldn’t be able to kiss away all of his problems. They wouldn’t be able to kiss away the crippling debt he was dealing with; they wouldn’t be able to kiss away the fact he was a minority, and that he was constantly oppressed because of it.

Alexander was loud. He always was, and always would be. He wore his opinions on his sleeve, and no one bothered to discover what else he held underneath them. No one knew much about it, though he often overshared. They didn’t know the important things, only that his favourite colour was green, or that he preferred wearing contacts instead of glasses; they weren’t important facts, but telling others that meant that they left he alone, deciding that he was just as boring and annoying as the next person.

And that is when Mr Aaron Burr walked into his life.

At first, he was in awe of the man. He always had a sarcastic response lined up if anyone who decided to take a dig at him, and was always on his guard. Alexander had felt a pull to him right away.

And then, he stopped, watching the man as he sipped his coffee from his desk which sat opposite Alexander’s. He thought back to all the times that Aaron had told him to be quiet, to “Talk less, smile more.” like he should just let others trample over him.

The feeling of awe transformed into disgust.

He abruptly stood up, scraping his chair across the floor, turning on his heel and stormed out of the office, not looking back even once at a confused Aaron.

Thankfully, he had grabbed his bag, so he slung it over his shoulder, weaving through the endless crowds of people, desperately hoping to get home, to be locked behind closed doors where he knew he would be safe. He needed to breathe, but he couldn’t; there were too many people; he was drowning, drowning, drowning. He gasped for air, praying to any God who would listen that they would let him breathe.

Finally! An escape; an exit; an alleyway. He slinked off to the side, taking a deep breath, watching the flood of strangers speed walk past him. He collapsed against the wall, resting his head against it. The alleyway was dirty, and coated in rubbish. It smelt awful, and Alexander scrunched up his nose to the scent, but he had been in worse positions, so he remained seated there, slowly but surely calming his breathing.

And then, making Alexander’s eyes widen, Aaron stormed past, looking around, like he was searching for something or someone. Alexander ignored him.

 

* * *

 

Alexander laid in his bed, curled up in a ball. Sobs racked his body; when he was alone, he could finally let down his guard, finally release all the emotions he bottled up while around people who would use it as a weakness.

Tears streamed down his face, and he sighed. He suddenly stood up, pushing the thick quilt off him, looking at his body in the mirror. Scars, some more prominent than others, coated his thighs, his arms, his stomach, his hips, and even his ankles. He knew he put them there, but that wouldn’t stop him from hating them.

Most of them, he didn’t even remember creating. Most of them, he zoned out either in the shower or while crouched in the corner, pressing a little deeper with the razor each time. His most recent one, which was three days, four hours, and twelve minutes to be exact, had scabbed over, and he picked at it, ignoring the sting of pain which ran down his leg.

He grinned, almost sadistically, as it began to bleed; he deserved this. He had awkwardly fumbled with his money while paying the cashier; he hadn’t held the door open for an old lady by accident; he had tripped in front of a little girl, and nearly hit her in the face, not apologising enough. He had messed up, and he deserved to pay for it.

A knock at his door interrupted him. He slung on a t-shirt and a pair of jeans, yelling a, “One second!” to whoever stood behind the door. He hastily wiped his tears, and ignored his croaky; if they asked him why he looked sad, he would lie and say he was watching a sad film.

When he reached the door, unlocking it, who he was not expecting was Aaron Burr.

“Mr Burr, sir.” Alexander greeted, keeping the unease out of his tone. “What can I do for you?”

“I was…” Aaron started, frowning. “I was worried about you. I mean, one second you're fine, then you run off. You missed the rest of the workday which is something you’d never do.”

“Sorry,” Alexander said, shrugging. “I didn’t mean to. Is Washington mad?”

“No, no, you’re alright in that department. He said, and I quote, ‘Good. The boy needs a day off, anyway.’ Are you okay?”

Alexander nodded.

“No offence, but you don’t look it,” Aaron stated, his frown somehow deepening. “Are you sure?”

Alexander nodded. “Just a sad film, is all. I promise, Burr, I’m fine.”

“If you’re sure.” Aaron shrugged, then turned on his heel and left.

Alexander nodded, though this time, it was to himself.

 

* * *

“Let me help you,” Aaron whispered against Alexander’s neck. “Let me save you.”

 

* * *

“I… I like you a lot,” Aaron confessed, stroking his hand through Alexander’s hair.

 

* * *

“I need you in my life,” Aaron whispered, tugging Alexander in close for a kiss.

 

* * *

“I love you,” Aaron promised. “Let me take away your pain; let me take away your scars; let me glue your back together.”

 

* * *

“I love you,” Aaron said. “I love you. I love you. I love you.” With each time he said it, he placed another kiss on a naked Alexander. “I love you. I love you. I love you.” Scars disappeared left, right, and centre. “I love you.”

Alexander threw his head back and wailed.

“I love you. I love you. I love you.” Aaron whispered. “I need you.”

**Author's Note:**

> updated, september 2018 (copied & pasted): it's ben/jay! i'm here to say you can find me on tumblr @4prom (though my url changes regularly, so check my ao3 profile for updates). thank you so much for reading, and (hopefully) enjoying. feel free to send me a message!


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